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My lazy man's diet regime actually worked

meizitangzisu

meizitangzisu

My lazy man's diet regime actually worked

Last year, I began dieting. I know it's been a year, because Pumpkin Spice Latte was available in Starbuck's (why measure out your life in coffee spoons, when corporate coffee flavours are extremely seasonally specific?) Actually, it had not been 'dieting', as a result; diets being temporary, trend-lead ordeals, endured to try some unattainable 2 day diet original objective like the 'beach six pack', the 'honeymoon abs', or the 'porn star paunch' (OK, I made the last one up, but when Hodder and Staughton commission Ben Dover to create a recipe book, I would like 10pc). Anyway, I am not dieting. I'm undergoing what wanky Californians call a 'lifestyle change'.
Taking a look at me, you are able to tell. I've probably lost about 2 . 5 stone since last September. That's an estimate, since i won't use scales: I'm not a weight-obsessed lunatic. All I know (and that i know this sounds like a brag) is that individuals who haven't seen me for ages audibly gasp after i walk into the area. This even though I'm, as far as I can tell, still a significant fat man. Perhaps, I tell myself, they recall me being fatter than I truly was -- however I stumble upon a photo on my phone, from 2012 or 2013, as well as I must admit, the change is noticeable. My face is thinner. I appear younger. I have less of a belly, much more of a torso - though there is still a belly, of course. I've some sort of Fit Neck thing happening. (Forgive me for lacking the Men's Fitness vocabulary -- all I understand is, my neck used to be all flab, and today when I inhale you can observe some sort of defined bony stalagmite at the top of my chest. Sorry I can not be more precise. Like I said, I'm not a weight-obsessed lunatic. However i possess a Fit Neck.)
It all began due to a job. I'm hired to host the pilot of a daytime quiz show, and, as if the allure to be the twenty-first century's answer to Richard Whiteley wasn't potent enough, this pilot ended up being to be produced through the co-creators of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? - which, last time I checked, was something of the success. So, I had been excited by the opportunity: if the show got commissioned, I'd get paid crates of cash for simply sitting behind a desk in a shiny suit, scoring people on their own spelling. I'd probably be a geeky 'sex symbol' like Richard Osman. Absurd. Before filming, however, my agent gave me some astute suggestion: "We have to consider how we present ourselves". I then deduced this was code for: 'you have to lose some weight before filming, or you'll seem like John McCririck'.
So, six weeks before filming began, I established three guiding principles. One: I'll won't do any significant exercise beyond strolling to the supermarket. Two: I'll eat around I love, with limits on ingredients, not quantity. Three: I'll avoid all books or articles about dieting, because they're all boring plus they all contradict each other.
Then, inspired in what little instinctive understanding I had for which was making me fat to begin with (bread and I were mortal enemies, this much I knew), as well as an anecdotal knowledge of the regimes to which many men already subscribe (Atkins, hunter-gatherer, the 5:2 diet), I come up with following five rules, which I have lived by since:


One: no junk foods. If it ain't a fruit, a vegetable or an animal, it ain't going in my mouth (eggs and dairy, moderately, filed under 'animal').
Two: no bread, no pasta. Weird at first to have eggs not-on-toast, bun-free burgers and Salad Bolognese, however, you get accustomed to it.
Three: having 'a glass of vino with my meal' will be taken literally, folks. No proper boozing.
Four: for two meals per week, completely ignore rules 1 to 3 and have an ice cream, or a Guinness, or a Guinness-flavoured frozen treats.
Five: when on holiday, eat whatever the hell I love. Chinese New Year and St Patrick's Day count as holidays.
These may seem like pretty lax rules for a diet, and even they're: by the time we came to film the pilot I'd perhaps only lost half a stone, though which was still enough to create a small difference on camera. But as a sluggish, steady life-style change, the process has been transformative: one year in the future I've gone from the 40 inch waist to some 34 inch waist, which means Abercrombie and Fitch actually stock my size, although their sales staff remain suitably sceptical after i walk-through the doorway

Because of the Olly Mann Diet regime, I do not seem like I'm losing out: when an edible or drinkable delight is truly irresistible, such as afternoon tea in a posh hotel that someone else is paying for, ten pints of beer at a stag do, or a detour into Five Guys on my way home from work, I permit myself to indulge. But the rest of the time, I genuinely enjoy creating no-bread breakfasts (currently: celery, spring onion and goji berries, marinated in lime juice, however wacky that sounds); grilled fish and steamed greens for supper; steak or shrimp salad for dinner. No hardship. Plus, my snoring has 2 day diet new stopped, based on my girlfriend. Personally i think fitter, and also the unhealthy foods I did previously enjoy snacking on now cause me to feel feel bloated, and so i actively want to prevent them.
Having said that, the pilot wasn't acquired by a TV network, and i am basically still fat. Which is a headline you'll never see in Men's Fitness.

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